Past F*ck Ups

So, it is Friday night, which after 41 years, I am now realising is not the Holy Grail of the week, however I am sat in my usual organised chaos wrapping up some orders whilst some shit is on the box in the corner & I am feeling content. Content is the bitch I have strived to hold on to all of my life.

I am feeling blessed right now. Don’t get me wrong, the new battery that arrived for my phone today that didn’t actually revive it, has pissed me off. The knackered tumble dryer & leaky fridge is bloody annoying but the rest; the rest is bloody good.

I took a gamble with Sparkle & Dot. After running a completely different business (bricks & mortar) & getting in a financial mess with a business that had zilch potential in the area I am in (as well as pride, naievity, whatever) & ending up with a pair of heartless bastard baliffs at the door a week before Christmas 2015. I was seriously on the verge of something mentally horrendous & an impulsive, kneejerk, ‘fuck it’ moment & I closed up shop & worked at home for a few months. My heart wasn’t in it, mentally & emotionally I was at one of the lowest points I had been in a very long time & I felt like a fool. A fool for having the illusions of ‘making it’, a fool for getting in all of the financial shit I did & just a fool; head to toes.

Being a single parent, it feels like so much pressure is on you not to fuck up & when you do – stand the fuck back, because everyone is going to whip out their matching set of pointy fingers & rolling eyes ensemble. I went from ‘Look at me with my shop & all that shit’ to crying like a snot ridden toddler infront of a pair of baliffs.

But, for all of my flaws, I am stubborn, determined; whatever you want to call it & I decided in September 2016 ‘Oooh jewellery might work’ & I started again. From scratch. And then I thought ‘Oooh handmade/stamped jewellery’ – I have always been happiest creating things. A few sales enabled me to get my tools. The rest, as the say, is history.

I am known to be impulsive & sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn’t. Life is too short not to take a gamble, not to try & live your dream. Life is also too short to feel bad for past fuck ups. Fuck ups make us who we are. They can tear us down, but they also build us up. They make us strong & determined & so much more wiser than we were pre-fuck up.

So, yeah, throw those past fuck ups in the ‘fuck it’ list. I have a myriad of ‘huge, massive, really-how-can-one-person-make-such-a-fuck-up!’ stories that I could probably write a book, but, I won’t.

Whatever is going on right now, strive for contentment, look after yourself mentally & emotionally because if anything begins to fuck with those, it just isn’t worth it & you need to take a big, deep breath & shout ‘FUCK IT’. Love yourself & even those pesky little (or big) fuck ups – they sometimes build the bridges to something much better 💗

Tara x


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